One night by the window…

It was all dark..all quiet..no people around..no noise around..I was standing there by the window looking all around. I probably didn’t know which direction to look in. I had no idea why I was standing there. That is when I realized it was such a scary thing to be just like that..without anything in sight..without anything on mind..just that calm, serene and soothing night.
I was not sure how long I could sustain that calm. Luckily it started raining to add some noise to that calm. Clean, beautiful and enchanting rain. I started wondering if that rain started some noise or stopped all the noise inside me.. I wanted to know if that rain stopped all the chaos in me or started a new movement in me. Well, I knew there was no chance I was going to get these answers. Maybe that is what kept me going. It was getting even calmer with the wind blowing hard. That breeze was touching my face leaving so much freshness behind. I was naïve to handle it. I didn’t want it to leave me like that. That was a perfect arrangement of the events. I wanted to feel that night all by myself. It was such an intense desire to grab that beauty and lock it in my eyes. I just closed my eyes to hold it just like that..forever and forever…
That was the simplest thing I could do in the circumstances. But then what was bothering me? Why I was still struggling to close my eyes? I was tumbling at something which seemed more overwhelming to me. It was stopping me from going into my world of seclusion.. It was so ironical that I was not able to do what I thought was the simplest thing I could do. It felt terribly awful . At the same time I was falling for it. I wanted to take away that peace with me. I kept trying. Alas! It hit me again. Something was making it difficult for me. What was it? Was that night too mystic to hold or was it the day that would follow this night? The day which would be no different from usual. The early morning scramble for catching a train to work, the clatter of vehicles on streets, the rat race at work, those unstoppable phone calls at desk , the long lost day, the gloomy tea break, the empty 7o’clock, the struggle to get back home, the numb end of the day…Everything was right there..all intact..all live! I was striving to close my eyes to capture that night but there was already so much inside me that I could not just feel anything beyond that with my closed eyes…My closed eyes could only struggle to find some space there but all it could find was more and more encroachment!
I didn’t want to try anymore. I didn’t dare to fool myself anymore. I opened my eyes. I saw in every direction. It was still calm. It was still dark. It was still clean. I could breathe it. The air of freshness. The air of the moment.. The air of the ultimate truth..I was no more in a hurry to grab it or hold it. I was just experiencing it. It was so simple that way. I could feel that night much closely now..of course with my open eyes…

DEEPALI S. BASUR
Co-founder & Chief Editor,
http://www.ethinksharp.com/, an e-magazine dedicated to the 'YOUTH'.